Tess + Todd Quotes
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[Todd sees Tess eating steak at a restaurant and muttering to herself;
of course he assumes she's Jessica]
Todd: You talking to yourself these days?
Tess: Hi.
Todd: Heh-heh.
Tess: Must be the wine.
Todd: Huh.
Tess: Didn't you just run out of here with your wife?
Todd: Yeah, I didn't know that you were such a ferocious carnivore.
Tess: Huh, you'd be surprised.
Todd: So what did you mean when you said Viki's resting?
Tess: I meant that she's tired.
Todd: What's wrong with her?
Tess: I don't know. Do I look like a doctor?
Todd: Oh, you look my niece, but you're not acting like her.
Tess: Well, Uncle Todd, this has been fun and all, but I'm going to
go back to my friend.
Todd: "Uncle Todd"? Jessica, why are you hanging out in this place?
Now, where's Antonio? Why aren't you off with him saving whales or
something?
Tess: Why aren't you off with Blair killing the whales or something?
Tess: So, you want to dance, or are we done here? Great, that's great.
Thank you.
Todd: (gesturing to the drinks) How many of those have you had
tonight?
Tess: You know, Todd, just get home to Blair, okay? She's probably
flipping out right now. Unless, you know, you want to stay here and hassle
your niece a little bit more instead of going home to the woman that you
love. I'm not going to judge.
Todd: Wait a minute.
Tess: Listen, go home to your wife now, okay, killer?
Todd: "Killer"?
Tess: Trust me, Todd, you don't have a clue about what's going on
with me. Actually, you don't have a clue about anything. And the sooner you
realize that, the less of a car wreck your life is going to be.
Todd: Hurrah! Where is that coming from?
Tess: Hurrah! Maybe it's coming from the fact that you think you can
read me like a little book.
[Todd has figured out that Tess is an alter; Tess still pretends to be
Jessica]
Tess: Todd? What a surprise.
Todd: Okay, you can cut the charade. Who are you? What did you do
with Jessica?
Todd: I know the score, Tess. You're Jessica's alter ego. You've taken
her over.
Tess: Todd, what are you talking about? Really, you're -- you're starting
to scare me a little bit. Who's Tess?
Todd: The technical word is "dissociative identity disorder, D.I.D."
Tess: (scandalized) Oh, my God. Are you -- are you saying that I've
-- you think that I have a split personality?
Todd: You are good, Tess. But you're not fooling me. See, I'm a master
at split personalities. I helped my sister through one, and I've -- I've
faked a couple myself, very long time. Yes, you're definitely an alter ego,
and I'd like to know why. I'd like to know what happened to Jessica to make
you come out.
Tess: Todd --
Todd: Hmm?
Tess: You got me. I am Jessica's better half, so to speak. Nice to
meet you. My name is Tess.
Tess: One or two times a month I just like to go out and be somebody
else. I mean, everybody needs an escape sometimes.
Todd: And who is this person you want to be one or two times a
month?
Tess: Somebody brand-new. Somebody without my history, without my
pain, without my responsibilities. I mean, can't you relate to that?
Todd: I'm trying.
Tess: Okay, so you got me, Todd. But, really, why is it so shocking?
I mean, what's a little sleeping around compared to what you've done, right?
I mean, talk about sex-gone-wrong -- you could write the book, now, couldn't
you, Todd-kins?
Tess: So my name is Tess, and I like to have a good time. At least
I've never forced myself on anybody, not like you, Todd-kins.
Todd: That's cute. But guess what, it's not working.
Tess: Well, guess what, I don't care. Your sweet, little, angelic
niece Jessica is nowhere to be found, and I'm in control now.
Todd: But for how long, Tess? Jessica's not the wimp you think she
is.
Tess: Oh, please. Have you ever seen her with Antonio?
Todd: What about Viki?
Tess: She doesn't know.
Todd: No? Oh. Maybe she should.
Tess: No, no. (she pretends to be Jessica again) Todd?
Todd: I don't know which one you are, and I don't really care. We're
going to go see your mom.
[Todd has dragged Tess to Llanfair to see Viki; Tess finally drops the
Jessica act]
Tess: Get your disgusting hands off me.
Todd: Oh. I had a feeling it was you. You tell her or I will.
Tess: You keep your ugly face out of my business. I don't answer to
anyone.
Tess: Todd, look at what you've done. Now, you know what the doctor
said about Mom's blood pressure.
Todd: Me? You manipulative little --
Viki: Todd, what are you doing? Why are you talking to Jessica like
that?
Todd: Well, I wouldn't tell to Jessica like that, but this slut here
--
Tess: I told you, get your rapist hands off of me!
Todd: (shaking Tess) My niece -- I want to talk to my niece.
Tess: Oh, I bet you do.
Todd: Jessica. I want to talk to Jessica!
[Viki has a heart attack from the stress of the confrontation with
Tess]
Todd: Viki? Can you hear me? Jess, call 911.
Tess: No.
Todd: For God's sakes, call 911! She's having a heart attack!
Tess: Oh. That again?
[Todd tracked Tess to New York City but Nash, without asking questions
at first, helped Tess avoid him]
Nash: You gotta talk to me here, Tess. Who is the guy you were trying
to avoid at the restaurant? Is he your husband, is he your boyfriend --
Tess: No, God, no.
Nash: Okay, then who is he? Is he somebody you owe money to?
Tess: (snorting) I don't owe Todd a damn thing.
Nash: What does this Todd guy want from you?
Tess: He wants to take away the only life I have ever known.
Tess: Todd is a part of my old life, the one that I want to forget
about.
Nash: So he is an ex.
Tess: (chuckling) An ex con.
Tess: (laughing) I can't believe that you punched Todd out.
Nash: I actually also fingered him for stealing that woman in the
wheel-chair's purse. That's when the cops turned up.
Tess: No. No. So let me get this straight -- so, you punched him out,
and then you ratted on him for something that he didn't do, and then he got
busted?
Nash: Yeah. Too far?
Tess: Oh my God, yes, yes, it was too far, but you, my friend, are
a genius!
Nash: So what about your uncle? What if he tracks you down to California,
huh?
Tess: Well --
Nash: Well?
Tess: Todd is resourceful.
Nash: Mm-hmm.
Tess: But so am I.
Todd: You know, I had the pleasure of meeting Tess. If you'll recall,
I watched her give you a heart attack.
Viki: Yeah, well, I know. I mean, she felt very cornered, you know.
The thing is that we've actually had a chance to get to know her a little
bit --
Todd: Oh, so, what -- everything's warm and fuzzy now? I don't buy
that. I don't think you should trust her.